I reviewed, reconsidered and remote my DMP this week. I would imagine many of the MKMMA 2015 class did the same thing. It would have been hard not to after last weeks webinar.
For one thing, I realized after my guide and Davene’s feedback, I had written one thing but said something completely different about my PPN’s. What I believed to be the drivers are in fact not what comes from the depth of my heart.
“…out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.”
So what I wrote for my PPN’s (Spiritual Growth and Helping Others) was not reflected in the words that poured from my heart and onto the page. In my heart, the rejection of my PPN’s based on the words that I wrote really pissed me off when I read the words my guide wrote. Who the hell is she to tell me I don’t know what I really want? I sent a response asking her why she felt that way? Why would she questions what I think is in my heart?
Call in the reinforcements! The next email came with comments about my DMP from Davene. I mean, jeez, really? Davene told me that what I wrote was not what I believed it to be. And while you might think my first reaction was “Well, if Davene thinks it’s different, she must be right!”
Not so much…
It was just one more reason to bail on this whole thing. That’s where my old man nature brought me. Obviously they didn’t understand me! They must not like me! In fact, I should let others know how little they actually know about the stuff they are teaching me! WTF! Then I saw this post from a friend on Facebook:
If there is a more accurate assessment of my old man nature, I don’t know what it might be. This is the spot where my personal life’s shortcomings become everyone else’s fault and everyone else’s problem, too. I used to lash out at those who “misunderstood me.” It didn’t matter that what I said made no sense, was based on false premise or was specifically sculpted to make sure nobody could understand what I was saying!
Thank God, life has brought much change. Our God is a Big God. He has no limits. And even at my worst, God was there cheering me on to make the right decision. It didn’t matter that I was unable to make the right next step – God knew I could make the right step! It was His belief in me that eventually allowed me to overcome this dark spot in my life. Joyce Meyers once said “You can’t be selfish and happy at the same time.” So this time, instead of taking the negative route, I asked myself a simple question: If my guide is the expert, who am I to second guess her wisdom? And what does it say about my “coachability” if she felt she needed to bring in the big gun?
So it’s time to reset and restart. I will be humble. I will learn to listen. I will more carefully follow the instructions. Let’s see what happens…